Ungrounded at "home" in Indiana

I am at a point in my life where I have nowhere to call home. I suppose it makes sense to call my family home and therefore visiting them is like going home, but the town where my family now lives is not my home - I have never and will never live here - and their new house has never been my house. I am a guest here. This makes coming "home" difficult. Going to Chicago is like going home, but also not quite. I have many friends and people I know in Chicago, but it never seems like I am coming home when I am there either. I always feel like I don't quite belong. I guess in many ways the boat I work on is the closest thing I have to a home these days. It's the only place I have felt at home since I returned from Spain last year. The only problem is that it is a home that I can only go to when I am asked. It's not really home, though going back feels like a homecoming each time.

So, here I am in Indiana visiting my family. I have returned to the only place that comes close to home. I knew that this stage in my life was coming when I graduated from college and moved back home because I gave up the only place of my own I'd ever had. On top of that I knew that my parents were going to be selling the last of my childhood homes as soon as possible and that I would run off to Spain and come home and have no home. When I came home my parents did not even have a home so I felt completely ungrounded in my life. Funny to think that the place that gives me a sense of being grounded now is a boat and if it were to be grounded, well that would be a very bad thing.

I know this posting is a bit navel gazing, but every day that I am here I think about how rootless my life has become. For the most part I am glad about this fact. I love that the only thing I have to be responsible for these days is a small monthly fee on my storage space. The world is my oyster and I am enjoying all my travels, both through work and independently, but it would be nice to have a home to come to. One day in the future I will make a home of my own. For now I guess home is wherever I put down my suitcase.

I've decided to go back North.

After weeks of thinking I would not do so I have decided I want to stay on the ship and go back to Alaska. I have asked for a job, been giving an offer I like, and accepted. So...in mid-April I will be getting back on my vessel to cruise British Columbia and Southeast Alaska all summer. I will working in my current position most of the time, but also as the relief bar tender. This means that for two weeks of each rotation I will tend bar while the regular bar tender goes on her off rotation. I very excited to get this chance to have a new position. Many of my co-workers will also be staying on this vessel so I am not loosing my new family just yet. I feel some trepidation at going back because it can be so hard, but I am excited to see Alaska, and glaciers, and Victoria, and be with my boat family for another six months.

All this being said there will be much more to post as I keep on the move. Including stories from my time off before the next season starts. Check back in!